20 Weeks

Halfway point baby!  I honestly am so shocked that this is going this fast.  I mean, I remember very clearly when I found out I was pregnant and it seems like yesterday.  I am glad though because I think the waiting is the suckiest part of pregnancy.  I am a little scared that things will start to slow down again, but I have a few larger milestones between now and June that I can help to space out the time.

My anatomy scan in on Wednesday and I am getting a little anxious about it.  I am really excited, but my first experience with this was not really that awesome. I am honestly very nervous about going in and there being a really serious problem.  I can deal with smaller issues, like SUA and/or VCI, but I am really scared for fatal abnormalities.  I know that the likelihood is small, but I am a worrier by nature and this is a big deal.  I will post pretty directly afterwards with the news…

How far along? 20 weeks
Total weight gain: 12-15 lbs, not sure.  I am kinda hesitant to confirm the number.  It is a little scary how fast I am gaining.
Maternity clothes? Yes, definitely.  I like to show off the bump.
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: Awful.  I not only am uncomfortable but I am also still waking up in the middle of the night and unable to fall back asleep for at least hour.  Plus, Arlie now likes to wake me up at 5 for 10 minutes of hang out time, then she passes out and I am still awake.  Stinker.
Best moment this week: I am getting some big kicks.  They are powerful and catch me off guard, but they are so nice too!  This baby moves a lot more than Arlie did.  Also, my sister started with cloth when my nephew was little but she never really got into it so she is sending me her whole stash, which is AWESOME!  Most of the diapers have never been used and the ones that have were only used once or twice.  This is so sweet.
Miss Anything? Sleep.
Movement: Yes, quite a bit.  Especially in the middle of the night, early morning, and when I am laying in bed at night with M and Arlie.
Food cravings: Everything.  I am hungry all the time.  I want crap food mostly though.  I really want salmon and other fish, which is really weird for me.  Normally I kind of hate fish.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really.  Milk makes me a little sick but I think this is more related to my IBS than to pregnancy.
Have you started to show yet? Yep, I finally have a nice big bump.  I love it!
Gender: No idea yet.  My dad and most of the people around me are saying boy, my closest sister is saying girl, and I am REALLY hoping for another girl.  I’ll be happy either way.  So excited!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Baby bump (finally), stuffy nose, achy back, movement.
Belly Button in or out? Halfsie.  Crater Lake for sure.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: I am pretty happy.  I have a lot to make me happy right now.  People are annoying, but I have such a great family and that is awesome.
Looking forward to: Only 5 more days until the anatomy scan.  I am so excited/nervous.  I just want to know what this little one is!  And to hopefully find out that everything is fine.  I am so hoping that this is the case.  Hope for me guys!!!!

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Newborn to One Year

I’ve been thinking about this for a little while.  There is such a huge difference between a newborn and a one year old.  I am stating the obvious, I know.  But it really is remarkable how different Arlie is now.  I spend a lot of my evening time staring at her sleeping because I am just so amazed that this person used to be so little and helpless.  Sometimes it makes me sad, but most of the time I am just in awe with her.  There are days that I look at her and I can’t believe that she is so big.  I mean, she is huge in comparison to even a couple of months ago.  And yet there are other days that she still seems so little and helpless.  I forget that she is one.  I still think of her as my little baby and I really don’t think I am going to change that for a long time.  There are so many nights when M or I say to each other, “I can’t believe that this is our baby!”  It really just blows our minds.

I was worried the whole time I was pregnant that I wouldn’t know what I am doing and the result would be me messing Arlie up.  But I feel so confident in how we are parenting her now.  I don’t mean to sound braggy because that is not really what I mean.  What I do mean is that she is so easy to be a parent to.  She loves us and we love her and it is such an amazing thing.  She is smart and funny and sweet and sassy. Last night I was feeding her dinner, which was a mac and cheese that I made.  It is definitely her favorite meal and she gets very vocal about having more when we are eating this particular meal.  Usually during dinner she offers me or M a bite of whatever she is eating.  Last night, however, she was shoveling the food into her mouth as fast as possible.  More than once I leaned in towards her last night to see if she would share and instead of sharing, she shoved the food into her mouth as quickly as possible.  She is hilarious.  I just love that her funny little personality is coming out and she is such a ham.

I worry about what it will be like when baby no. 2 gets here, but if he/she is anything like Arlie, we will be extremely lucky.  Arlie is amazing.  She’s special and is literally everything I ever wished for in having children.  I seriously can’t believe how lucky we are that she is ours.

19 Weeks

This morning I went to a doctors appointment.  I am still doing every other week heartbeat checks but I think that this will be my last one.  I can feel baby move everyday and I can feel very distinct kicks on the outside of my body as well, so that is reassuring.  I just about a week away from my anatomy scan and I have a lot of anxiety going into it.  We declined any genetic testing so this is really the first time we will know if everything is ok.  I am mostly concerned at this point that no one will call us if there is something wrong because last time that was the case.  I talked to the doctor this morning about this and she put a note in my chart that someone needs to call me with the results, good or bad.  She actually said that she was the person on call the day of the ultrasound and the day after so she would probably be the person calling me.  I felt a lot better about actually speaking up and telling her my concerns.  I feel pretty confident that we will get a phone call and if we don’t I am going to call every half hour until someone responds.  I don’t care if they think I am crazy, because I kind of am…

How far along? 19 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain: 12 lbs.  Its a lot.  I am not going to worry about it.
Maternity clothes? Definitely.  I’m still rocking a bunch of my regular shirts and sweaters, but it is all maternity pants these days.
Stretch marks? Nope.  Not even on my legs.  Maybe they are all stretched out from last time and aren’t going to get worse…  Wishful thinking.
Sleep: Non existent.  I need a nap whenever I can get one.  Yesterday morning I went upstairs to start cleaning one of the extra bedrooms and I laid down for a second and woke up two hours later.  Oops.
Best moment this week: Two things.  We had Arlie’s one year photos on Saturday and that was awesome.  She had so much fun and was such a ham.  We did a cake smash at the end and that was pretty fun too.  The second thing is that we got a new dog this weekend.  He is a walker hound (kind of like a tall basset hound) and he is a sweet guy.  Definitely a different kind of dog than a basset hound, but a good fit for our family.
Miss Anything? Sleep and being able to have a beer once in a while.  I really only miss the first couple of sips of a beer.
Movement: Lots more.  He/she seems to be pretty active sometimes in there.  This baby likes to sit on the opposite side of my belly than Arlie did so I feel a lot of kicks and punches on the right side of my belly.  Its very strange.  He/she also hangs out SOOO low.
Food cravings: The only thing I have really been craving lately is rolos.  No other serious cravings.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really.
Have you started to show yet? Yes.  I have a pretty cute smaller bump right now.  It is very straight out in front, which was how I carried Arlie too.
Gender: One more week to go!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Snotty stuffed up nose, movement, some back pain.
Belly Button in or out? Half and half.  It is stretched like crazy though.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy.  I am just moving along and trying to be happy.  Its working.
Looking forward to: Just one more week until we find out if this is a girl or a boy.  I am nervous and excited and everything in between.  It is nerve wracking.  I can’t believe it is almost here.  So crazy how fast this is going.

18 Weeks

Just two more weeks to the half way point.  I wish it would go a little faster.  I am really feeling the lag at this point and I am having a bit of anxiety the last couple of days because little bubs seems to be moving less (or I just can’t feel it as much) than previous days.  I think I am probably freaking out over nothing, but I can’t help it.  My brain just won’t allow me to completely relax.  Its maddening.  I also had kind of a weird appointment this week.  The vibe was just off between me and the midwife and it was strange.  The worst part about this was that this is the midwife that I was most looking forward to seeing, so it was a disappointment to have it be so awkward.  She was the first person to ask me if I was going to stop doing the heartbeat checks.  It really threw me off and kind of bothered me.  Even now, its been 5 days I am still kind of annoyed.

How far along? 18 weeks
Total weight gain: I have no idea.  On Monday at my appointment, I was about 10 lbs up total, but I am not sure that I trust that scale because it is always more than my scale at home which is showing about 8 lbs gained.
Maternity clothes? Yes.  Finally got one more pair of jeans.  I like them better than one of the other pairs I have so that’s nice.  I also received my Old Navy order and it is so awesome to have some new clothes to wear.
Stretch marks? None yet.  Not even on my legs.  I’m shocked.
Sleep: It seems like I get two nights in a row of pretty good sleep and then two or three or even four of crappy sleep.  Its annoying.  I really do think that having Arlie still sleeping with us does not help, but I am definitely not going to change that anytime soon.
Best moment this week: Arlie turned one yesterday.  It was such a spectacular day and I can remember her birth perfectly.
Miss Anything? Not really.  My life is pretty much the same minus having an occasional beer.  I maybe miss better sleep.  I am considering taking a day off sometime in the near future and having M drop off and pick Arlie up from the babysitters so I can sleep and clean and do whatever I want.
Movement: It is strong sometimes and weak other times.  I love the bigger kicks, the ones that make me jump.  This is one of those pregnancy areas that I wish would go faster.  I need the reassurance.
Food cravings: I was really sick at the beginning of this week so my diet this week has been really weird.  I mostly want cereal at this point, but I can’t stomach milk so its just a bowl of dry cereal.  I am also eating pretzel rolls with goat butter.  M is good to me.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really.  I can eat just about anything but milk right now.  I am even eating chicken, which was a no-no when I was pregnant with Arlie.
Have you started to show yet? Yes, but I am measuring smaller than I was with Arlie.  Apparently I have a very “deep” uterus, which basically means that after my last pregnancy, my uterus dropped further back into my pelvic area, so I will probably stay smaller for a bit longer.
Gender: Don’t know yet.  Pretty convinced it is a boy.
Labor Signs: Nothing.
Symptoms: Movement, round ligament pain, stuffy nose.
Belly Button in or out? Both.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I am relatively happy.  I feel pretty content in our lives right now.
Looking forward to: 19 days until my anatomy scan.  Only a week until Arlie’s 1 year photos.  If only it were May right now…..

Arlie is 1 year Old!

Holy crap, this amazing little lady is ONE today.  I seriously can’t even believe that it has been a year.  I spent some of the day yesterday thinking about the birth and the entire experience of becoming a parent and I am just amazed that something that started out as the size of a poppyseed is now this amazing little girl.  I am so incredibly lucky to have Arlie as my daughter.  She has changed our lives in the best and most beautiful way.  I will NEVER have a more amazing moment in my life than when she finally made it into this world.  I love her so incredibly much and I am just so grateful to have her.  Arlie inspires me to be happier and to be more willing to change my routine.  She makes me see things in a completely different light.  She makes me laugh, she makes me cry.  She frustrates me more than any other person on the planet but I am even amazed at how she does that!  She is beautiful and funny and sweet and snotty and so many other things.  She is absolutely and without any doubt, the best thing to have ever happened in my life.  I am beyond blessed with this one.

And now, some fun updates about her…

She took her first steps last Friday night!  Once she got a few down, she wanted to try again and again.  And now she is constantly trying out her new skill.  She loves getting her shoes on and trying to walk in those too.  She loves to show off her new skill by standing up and waiting to see if anyone will come over for her to walk to them.  Its adorable and pretty funny.  She is really not comfortable making walking her only mode of transportation yet, so she is still crawling around like a mad man.  I am kind of scared for when she decided that walking is her preferred mode.  Another round of baby proofing is in order.

She has also started saying bye when someone leaves.  It is so freaking cute, it kills me.  She can now say mama, dada, dog, bye, and she tries to say baby.  She also says Baba, which is what my dad goes by.

Arlie is probably weighing in at 20-21 lbs and has grown at least an inch in the last couple of weeks.  She really is her father’s daughter.  Tall and lean.  Not like mommy at all in that regard.  🙂

She has also figured out how to get around the baby gate that is at the bottom of the stairs.  She will occasionally make a break for it and giggles like a crazy person when she is headed over there.  If she gets the chance, she will climb the stairs over and over again.  She loves doing it.

Her new favorite thing in the world is any one of her books.  She will bring a book over to you and make a really high pitched noise until you read it to her.  I have to be honest here, I am getting real tired of reading the same books over and over again so M and I are going on a book buying spree.

She loves chasing the dog and playing with her.  They attack each other all day and she giggles and squeals with happiness.  She loves Winger so much and I think Winger is happy to have someone to play with.  Sometimes when Arlie really wants Winger to play, she will crawl over to her as fast as possible and ram her head into Winger until she gets up to play.  Its pretty funny.  She also saves pieces of food to feed to Winger during all meals.  She loves to have her hand in Winger’s fur while she eats and Winger is happy to be her food mate.  They are a ridiculous pair.

I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.  I love her little personality now and I am excited to see how she will evolve.  I have a feeling that we will have a bit of a terror on our hands in about 6 months, but I am sort of excited to see how that plays out.  She is such a joy to have and I can’t wait to see whats next.

Just Some Randomness

I have a few things I want to get off my mind….

I used to call my basset hound Mason by a nickname, Bug, all the time.  He passed away in October and since then ladybugs have been showing up in my bathroom on a pretty regular basis.  Yesterday one showed up and by mid morning it had settled itself in my hairbrush.  I completely believe that this is Mason checking on me and making me know he is here.  I don’t really know what I believe about the afterlife, but I really do believe Mason is here with me.  Plus, I am completely convinced that he brought this new baby to us.  I think he knew he was dying and that we would need someone to make that pain a little less and to provide us with the perfect distraction.  This baby is a gift from my Bug.

Yesterday M and I bought a new car.  We knew that my car wasn’t going to cut it with two kids and one dog, plus we wanted something safer and more reliable.  We ended up getting a great deal and my payments are now less than what they were with my old car.  The best part about this for me is that this is the first time I have bought a ar and not completely freaked out afterwards.  I was so nervous the first time I bought a car and the second time I literally cried when I gave them the keys to my old car.  Yesterday I felt a little sad, but I was also just so excited that it kind of cancelled out my sadness.

Three days ago, I felt kicks on the outside for the first time this pregnancy.  I felt a surge of confidence in the pregnancy and that lasted until yesterday morning.  I had a freak out moment and was terrified that something was wrong.  I willed little bubs to kick or move or something but I got barely anything.  Throughout the whole day he/she was very quiet and I was getting pretty upset.  I finally relaxed last night and fell asleep without worrying.  I woke up at 5 am this morning to bubs going crazy in there.  He/she hasn’t stopped moving since then.  I guess I need to remember that there are going to be days when bubs moves less and I can’t let that freak me out too much.

I honestly have the days still when the worry is overwhelming.  It is so much less than with Arlie, but it is still there.  I have to consciously talk myself out of worrying.  This is hard and I am almost certain that I will not do this again.  I just don’t know if I can emotionally and mentally handle being pregnant again.  I am hopeful that in a few years I feel differently because ideally I would want to have 3 kids, but we shall see  guess.

17 Weeks

I am ready to fast forward a bit. I really just want it to be closer to the anatomy scan because I am so anxious to find out if this is a girl or a boy.  But I know I need to really relish in these next few weeks because next week is Arlie’s first birthday and the week after that is her 12 month check up at the doctor, plus her one year and smash cake photos.  The week after that I have another doctor’s appointment (just a heart beat check) and then finally we will be about a week out from finding out.  I can at least set these little dates to break up the long 26 day wait.  Yep, I’ve started a count down.  I’ve also decided that we are not going to tell our family members when our appointment is so we can take a cute photo and text it to all of them afterwards.  It was a lot of pressure last time to call everyone and tell them that Arlie was a girl immediately after the appointment.  I want to avoid that and I want to have some fun with a mini “gender reveal” of sorts.

How Far Along? 17 weeks
Total weight gain: No idea.  Probably more than I would like.  I am finally hungry again.
Maternity clothes? Yes.  I got 5 new shirts and a new pair of pants and I will probably try to find one more pair of pants this weekend.   M made fun of me because I was so excited about the new shirts and they are all exactly the kind of things I would have bought if I weren’t pregnant.  Hey, if it’s not broke….
Stretch marks? Not yet.  I expect to see them popping up soon on my thighs and calves.
Sleep: Horrendous.  I would love to sleep for just a four hour block with no interruptions.
Best moment this week: Bubs is moving around A LOT now and yesterday morning I was able to feel some of the kicks on the outside.  It was awesome.  You’d think that because I have experienced this before I wouldn’t be so excited, but it is just so cool!
Miss Anything? Maybe just sleep.  I like the smell of beer again, so that is kind of something I miss.
Movement: Tons.  Baby is pretty active at certain points during the day and that is really reassuring and nice.
Food cravings: This list could get very long….  I love pringles right now.  And mexican food, specifically nachos.  And blueberries.  And mochi ice cream balls from trader joe’s.  And meat.  Holy crap I always want meat.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really.  I don’t think I have any specific food aversions right now, which is really nice.
Have you started to show yet? Yes.  Haha last week I asked the doctor if it was normal for me to be so small at this point, especially with a second pregnancy.  I should have just waited a week.  My belly has definitely popped and it is nice.
Gender: I am really only thinking boy at this point.  I haven’t done any of the old wives tales yet, but I did do the chinese gender chart and it said girl.  I just don’t get any girl feelings, but I am still hoping.  Either way I will be happy, but I would love for Arlie to have a sister.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Baby bump, stuffy gross nose, still pretty exhausted, swelling in my legs a little.  And huge boobs.  Oh, and movement!
Belly Button in or out? I have the Crater Lake thing going on I had with Arlie.  The very middle of my bellybutton is sticking out and the rest is like a moat around it.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I feel a lot happier this week.  Honestly the weeks go so fast when you have a baby and the lack of drag is nice when you are pregnant again.
Looking Forward To: Arlie’s first birthday next week.  I am so excited to make her a cake and to give her the gifts we got her.  This past year has gone by sooo fast!

2014

I keep trying to write a year end review of sorts, but I am just being so lazy lately.  But I am focused and motivated today so this will happen!

Obviously 2014 brought me the most awesome gift of my life, little Arlie Mason.  I just am so in love with her.  She is the best thing to ever happen to me and I am so grateful for her health and her overall cuteness.  M and I really lucked out with her because she is such an easy baby and she is just so fun.  Our past year was spent watching her grow and learn and become a little person.  Every single minute was a treasure and I can’t believe how fast it went.  It feels like the months and weeks just flew by and I am glad that we were able to capture so much of it with good memories and photos.  We went from a family of two to a family of three in January and our lives will just never be the same.  And we would never want it any other way.

Going into 2015, I am anxious to see how everything will turn out for our little family.  New baby Maller is due in June and that will bring about so many crazy changes.  For now I want to spend as much time as I can making sure that my time with Arlie is special and that we are really conscious about making her know how much she is loved.  I am worried about what will happen when new baby gets here.  I just don’t want Arlie to ever feel like we don’t love her.

I am also trying hard right now to figure out a way to feel like we are not just surviving life, but that we are living a good life.  We are happy and healthy but I feel rushed a lot and I also feel like I am not spending enough time doing special things with Arlie.  By special, I mean taking her to the park or walking around one of the botanical gardens around here.  I remember my childhood (in between the crappy parents stuff) being magical a lot of the time.  I remember the feelings I had as a kid and I want to make sure that Arlie (and new baby) get the opportunities to have these feelings.  For me, there are a few things that I can do to make this happen.  I want to take Arlie to the zoo, I want to go on more walks with her.  I want to take her to the coast and put her tosies in the frigid water.  I want her to have these little magical moments that she can look back on when she is a parent and try to recreate them with her own children.  We are definitely living in a routine right now and I want to break that up a bit.  I know I can’t really make every moment magical, but I can take some of these more mundane moments and make them special.  I can build a living room fort for her and I can blow bubbles with her.  The little things that we will both remember being really special.

With M, I want to take them time to make some memories for just us that are special and different and something we can really remember.  Daytime dates, movies, special meals, etc.  Just little things that I can easily do to make our time special.  I remember being so scared that when Arlie arrived we would hate each other and just be miserable.  There have definitely been moments where we full on hated each other, but most of our moments have been joyful.  We are happy.  Arlie makes us ridiculously happy.

I want to make 2015 different.  Not exceptional because I know that it is setting us up for failure.  I want to remember more of 2015 (at least the first half before a newborn makes it hard to remember).  And I want to make parts of it magical.  In the perfect world, I would go to Disneyland right now and start the year off right, but that will have to wait.  I am just hoping that in 2016 I can say that this last year was great and I can’t wait for the next one.

16 Weeks

I skipped my 15 week update.  To be totally honest, I was sick and tired and lazy.  I just didn’t want to take the time to get on here and write.  Plus, I had Arlie with me pretty much exclusively for the last three weeks and she does not allow for very much time to do any writing.  I am so stinking exhausted right now.  I can’t even explain exactly how tired I am but it feels like I am constantly sleepy and weak.  It is getting pretty old.

How far along? 16 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain: 5 lbs.  I am not being careful at all about what I am eating, but I am also not eating too much.  I just am not that hungry.  Hoping I can keep it to 25 lbs this time.
Maternity clothes? Yes.  I ordered a bunch of new stuff because all of my maternity clothes I own right now are mostly wintery and I was concerned about having clothes for the spring and early summer.  I also bought a new pair of jeans.  I’m excited about those.
Stretch marks? Haven’t seen any yet, but my legs are starting to swell and that means stretch marks aren’t far behind.
Sleep: Like crap. I am up for at least an hour every single night.  Also, I am having the most bizarre and realistic dreams.  They ruin my sleep when I do actually get to sleep.
Best moment this week: Not sure, I guess I am still riding off of the high of Christmas and seeing my sister and nephew. I also had a doctor’s appointment last week and heard baby’s heartbeat again.  That is always nice.
Miss Anything? Honestly, I just want to get a full nights sleep.  I know this is probably not going to happen for many years, but I need more than 2 hours at a time and I would love to be in a dark quiet room with no one touching me for 8 hours.
Movement: Yes!  I am getting a lot of little kicks and taps.  I am also getting the vibrations that I got last time around with Arlie.  I also sometimes can feel the little bubs in certain areas.  Its like he/she gets all curled up in a corner of my uterus and it is kind of uncomfortable.
Food cravings: Pringles and cheese.  Specifically a truffle chevre from Trader Joes.  I would literally kill someone for this.
Anything making you queasy or sick: If I don’t eat often enough, I get quite sick, but otherwise I am over the queasiness and morning sickness for now.
Have you started to show yet? Yes.  So this one is weird for me.  I definitely have a bump, but bubs is having out so low that my bump is small still.  It also changes size ans shape throughout the day.  It is maddening for me because I am to the point where I want to look pregnant.  I want to have a recognizable bump.
Gender: I am fully convinced that this is a boy. I know that is what I said last time, but I can’t even imagine that this is a girl.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: OMG, my boobs are huge!  I was breastfeeding until about two weeks, so my boobs were all deflated and weird, but man have they swelled up and gotten huge since then.  I am also feeling more movement.  I still have my awful stuffy nose and now the swelling has begun.
Belly Button in or out? In still.  I think I may have a hernia in there.  I have a weird bulge in the middle of it that is very strange.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I am relatively happy most of the time.  Honestly I am just so tired all the time that I think it changes how my mood is.  I feel happy inside but I am not sure that this is reflecting on the outside.
Looking forward to: Appointment next week, and only 4 weeks and two days until the anatomy scan.  M and I have picked out names so we are ready to go for this little one.