11 Months/ 14 Weeks

Miss Arlie is 11 months old!  And I am 14 weeks as of yesterday.  Let me tell you, being pregnant and also having a little baby under 1 is hard.  Interesting, but hard.  I am tired and happy.

I’ll start with Arlie…  She is standing on her own, completely unassisted.  She has been practicing her sit to squat to stand skill and it is pretty awesome to watch.  She loves to squeal and yell and clap her hands while standing, which is scary and hilarious.  She is a huge ham most of the time.  She has the most hilarious smile that she throws out when she is feeling particularly hammy and it is the best thing ever.

Arlie is soooo close to walking.  A couple of times now she has taken some mini steps forward or to the side but no real convincing steps yet.  I think we will probably be there in the next two weeks or so and I am a mix between super excited and really terrified to have this happen.  She is just not a little baby anymore and that is sad and happy at the same time.  Lucky for me this little lady still loves her cuddles and loves and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

And now… For the best part of this update is that she is finally sleeping through the night.  I seriously didn’t think this would ever happen.  I think it is a combo of her being older and of me not nursing her all night anymore.  My milk is nearly gone so I am only nursing her once per night, which is usually at 5:30-6:30 each morning.  This is awesome for me because I NEED sleep right now and she seems to like it too.  Her nap schedule is much easier now and I think it is directly related to her sleeping through the night.

Not much has changed in the food department.  She is still eating almost everything we feed her.  This kid LOVES food and it makes me really happy.  I love watching her eat and I love that she will mow down on peas or cheese or meatballs or anything else.  Makes dinner time easy.

Now, onto my 14 week update:

I am sick as a dog  I haven’t had a real cold in the last three years or so.  I’ve had an occasional stuffy nose that lasted a couple of days, but this is a full on cold.  I am all stuffed up, sore throat, plugged ears and a really nasty cough.  I finally took some robitussin after doing a crap ton of research and I am feeling marginally better, but not a whole lot.  I really just want to sleep all day but that’s not really an option for me.

How far along? 14 weeks 1 day
Total weight gain: I am down at least a pound, probably two now.  I am sick sick sick and I can’t really eat anything so I have been losing a little weight.
Maternity clothes? I have one pair of maternity jeans that I like and are comfortable right now.  I tried to wear a normal pair of jeans this week and it was a seriously uncomfortable experience that will not be repeated.  I think I need to go shopping for another pair of jeans.
Stretch marks? None so far.
Sleep: Total crap.  I can’t sleep because I can’t stop coughing and I can barely breathe through my nose.  Plus, my throat is continually on fire and that is seriously uncomfortable.
Best moment this week: Not sure.  Nothing really happened this week.  I’m had an appointment on Tuesday and the NP was very nice and sweet.  She talked to me a lot about the anxiety and she was very encouraging of me going in every other week until I am more comfortable.  Honestly, the vibe at the OB office is completely different this time around.  I think it is a mixture of me being more comfortable in asking for what I need and they seem to be much more compassionate as a group.  Its strange.
Miss Anything? Sleep.  And being able to take nyquill.  I wish.
Movement: I felt a little tap/pop early in the week but nothing since then.  I honestly haven’t been paying that much attention because all I can focus on right now is how awful I feel.
Food cravings: The only craving I’ve had this week was for potato chips and M was nice enough to fullfill that one.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Kind of a lot of things are making me feel kind of gross.  I think this has way more to do with the cold rather than the pregnancy.
Have you started to show yet? Yes, but the bump is slightly smaller this week than it was last week.  My uterus is still quite low and almost all my bloat is gone.
Gender: I have girl feelings this week, but that will probably change by tomorrow.  I go back and forth all the time.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Stuffy nose, exhausted.  Honestly, I don’t feel that pregnant this week which is fine with me.  I’m sure it has a lot to do with being so sick.
Belly Button in or out? Still in but shallow.  It never really went back to normal after Arlie.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody this week.  Cranky and tired.  I need sleep.
Looking forward to: I scheduled our anatomy ultrasound for February 4th.  It seems like forever away, but we have so many things happening in between now and then that it will go pretty fast.  Christmas next week, then new years, then miss Arlie’s first birthday and then only two weeks after that we will find out if Arlie is going to have a little brother or sister.  We’ve already picked out names and we decided not to share with the families until after he/she is born, so I have to share here so at least someone can be excited with me. 🙂

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13 Weeks

Hello second trimester!  I guess in some calendars I am technically in the last week of first tri, but I am going to go with 13 weeks.  Because I can. 🙂  And it makes me feel better. 🙂

How far along? 13 weeks
Total weight gain: I think I am probably around 4-5 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Yes.  I finally broke out the pants.  I am still wearing my old pants too, but the maternity ones are so dang comfortable!  Still in regular tops.
Stretch marks? None so far.
Sleep: I have been waking up at 2:30 am every single night for two weeks.  Sometimes I am starving so I eat.  But a lot of the time I am just awake for no reason.  I do a lot of reading.
Best moment this week: Feeling bubs move around.  I can feel taps and pops.  It is pretty sweet and such wonderful reassurance to me.
Miss Anything? Not really.  I’m not following most of the pregnancy food rules because they are all so ridiculous.  The only rule I abide to is the no drinking rule.  Otherwise I am scarfing down soft (pasteurized) cheeses and deli meats.  And sushi, but only the cooked kind.
Movement: Yes!  Tapping/Popping.
Food cravings: I am digging brie on crackers right now.  And I have been drinking a lot of milk too.  Definitely getting over the dairy aversion.
Anything making you queasy or sick: If I don’t eat often enough, I am extremely queasy.  And there are a few other foods like ground turkey and chocolate that make me want to yak.
Have you started to show yet? Yes.  I am still hiding it at times but I can’t suck it in any longer.  Its definitely pregnant looking rather than fat, so that’s nice.
Gender: No idea.  I go back and forth every day.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Baby bump, peeing more, snotty nose.  I am still pretty tired, but no where close to how I felt during most of the first trimester.  I am also getting the beginning of heartburn.
Belly Button in or out? In, but it is getting stretched out.  It never really went back to its original shape after Arlie was born, so I think the progression to flat is going to be much more rapid than the last time.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happy most of the time.  I think my exhaustion makes me crankier than normal, but I don’t feel moody or mad most of the time.
Looking forward to: Appointment next week and CHRISTMAS!

12 Weeks

Woooo!  12 Weeks!  I’m almost to second trimester and that is awesome.  Hopefully I can survive until my next appointment.  🙂

How far along? 12 Weeks 1 day
Total weight gain: 4 lbs as of yesterday.  Midwife seemed fine with that.
Maternity clothes? Nope.  I dug through them yesterday, but since my bloat has gone way down, I am feeling pretty comfortable in my regular jeans again.  I am kind of hoping to ride this train for a little while longer.
Stretch marks? Nope.  Again, I am really hoping to avoid this again.  I don’t really care either way though…
Sleep: Good and bad.  Arlie makes for broken sleep and lately I have been waking up at 2:30 and I am awake for at least an hour, sometimes way more.  I often have to get out of bed and go downstairs to eat something or I feel like I am going to barf.
Best moment this week: Seeing bubs again on ultrasound and getting some peace of mind.  I am so glad I decided to stay with my OB office.
Miss Anything? Sleeping a full night.  This is not just from being pregnant though.  I saw a commercial for bailey’s last night and I was a little sad that this is the second Christmas season in a row that I will not be having my bailey’s.
Movement: Ok, so I am definitely feeling tapping.  It is in the same general place every time and it is that popcorn feeling.  Its nice.
Food cravings: I want spicy foods.  And mexican food.  And pot stickers and rice.  And anything any of the chefs on top chef are making.  I have to stop watching cooking shows.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Honestly a lot of things.  This is so different from my last pregnancy.  Its weird.
Have you started to show yet? So, the bloat is gone and I only really have my pudge from before I was pregnant that was left over from Arlie.  The midwife confirmed yesterday that my uterus is still below my pubic bone, so I am thinking in the next few weeks, my “bump” will start to reappear.  Its funny to be wishing to look a little bigger.
Gender: Ok, so even though I really would love to have another girl, I am pretty convinced this is a boy.  I know I felt this way when I was pregnant with Arlie and it rocked my world to find out she was a girl, but I just have such a strong feeling that it is a boy.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Snotty nose, I pee all the time, tapping/popping movement.  I can also feel my uterus stretching.  I remember this feeling from the last time and it scared me before.  It is such a strange burny and stretchy feeling.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Gosh, probably both.  I would say that most of my moodiness is coming from exhaustion rather than emotions.  I am just so tired all the time.  I want a whole day to stay in bed and sleep and be lazy.  Wishful thinking.
Looking forward to: Next appointment is a week from Tuesday.  I am also excited because I will be getting the order for my 20 week ultrasound at the next appointment.  So exciting!

Heartbeat Check Turned Ultrasound

Holy crap, I am 12 weeks today.  Yesterday was a shit show.  Let me preface this by saying that everything is fine, baby is good….

I had a minimal amount of brown spotting on Saturday and ignored it.  I was actually able to do so at the time, which must have been some lapse in my normal freak-out brain processing system.  Anyway, on Wednesday afternoon I had another little bit of spotting and decided that I would call the OB in the morning to get a heartbeat check.  On Thursday morning, I called, got an appointment at 11 and got myself ready to go.  About an hour before the appointment, I went to the bathroom and there was more spotting and it was an increase over what I had had the prior two times.  At this point, I lost my shit and started freaking out.  I texted my mom to come stay with Arlie while I went to the appointment.

Here’s where it got real….  On the way to the hospital for the appointment all that was going through my head was how I was going to tell people I wasn’t pregnant anymore and when I would schedule surgery, etc.  So basically I spent 20 minutes thinking of all the worst possible case scenarios and how I would deal with them.  By the time I got to the hospital, I was done mentally.  This is the super fucked up aspect of loss.  You are unable to go into an appointment like this with a positive attitude.  Everything is doom and gloom.  For me at least.

They got me in pretty immediately and the nurse was asking me questions and I was keeping it together.  Until she said something about how brown spotting is usually old blood and I lost it and explained that with my previous miscarriage, I spotted brown and everyone told me it was fine and it was not fine.  The poor nurse looked completely stricken and immediately apologized and was super sweet.  When the midwife came in, she had the ultrasound machine with her because the nurse had informed her of my reason for coming in.  Honestly, the midwife (Jenny) was so sweet to me.  She said she wanted to reassure me so she was going to do an ultrasound so there was no waiting to find the heartbeat.  Pretty much the second she put the wand on my abdomen, she found baby squirming around and I immediately started crying.

I have been telling myself that this is going to be easier this time and I won’t care as much and I think that that was mostly me trying to protect myself because when the possibility of the baby being gone was upon me, I was really upset.  I feel good about going in yesterday because the old me would have sat and worried for a couple more days and then lost it completely.  And because I feel confident in knowing what I need, I asked for additional heartbeat checks over the next 6 weeks or so until I feel more consistent movement.

All in all, everything turned out fine, but I am really struggling today to get my mind in a place where I am not constantly worrying and where I am able to be pregnant and enjoy some of it.  This is hard, you guys.  I am not prepared mentally to be pregnant again.  Its not that I am not exited, because I am.  I really am.  But I conveniently forgot what being pregnant does to my mental state.  I don’t want to be worried all the time.  I don’t want my anxiety to take away from my time with Arlie.  I told M last night that I just can’t do this again.  I’ve always wanted three kids, and maybe somewhere down the road I will be in a different place mentally that I will be ready to tackle the stress of another pregnancy, but for now I just can’t do it.  I will be incredibly grateful and relieved if everything goes well with this pregnancy and we have another healthy baby in June.

Ear Infection

Arlie is down for the count.  She has a bad infection in one ear and a partial fluid buildup in the other.  She started getting snotty and congested on Friday and it got worse over the weekend.  By Sunday night, she was crying a lot and obviously uncomfortable.  I thought it was either teething or an ear infection so I called the pediatrician on Monday morning and got her in pretty immediately.  The doctor confirmed that she had an infection in her right ear.

Because the infection was so bad, she is now on antibiotics and she seems to be doing a lot better. I made a funny little nest for her in the bed with two big blankets so she is basically sleeping in an up right sitting position.  This is helping her not have pressure on her ears from laying down.

The funniest thing about this is other than anytime she needs to sleep, she is crazy happy.  She is just such a good baby and so sweet.  I love that even when she is sick, she is happy.  We really lucked out in the first baby department.

11 Weeks

Just a few more days to go until I am 12 weeks.  I know that this doesn’t actually mean anything in my world, but it is a nice milestone to hit.  I feel much better the last few days, which is terrifying.  My bloat has gone away too, so that makes me look and feel less pregnant.  Hopefully everything is fine.

How far along? 11 weeks 4 days
Total weight gain:  No idea whatsoever.  I’m finally hungry again so we shall see…
Maternity clothes?  Not yet.
Stretch marks?  Nope.
Sleep: Bad.  Arlie is sick, I am uncomfortable, etc.  Not good.
Best moment this week: Knowing I will be 12 weeks on Friday.  And seeing my sister and nephew this past weekend.  That was super fun.
Miss Anything?  I don’t really know how to answer this.  Maybe my sanity…
Movement: I am fairly certain I have felt movement once or twice. I don’t want to jump the gun, but it definitely feels like the little movements I felt the last time.
Food cravings: I want milk again, and salad with honey mustard dressing.  And mexican food.  And sushi.  I’m hungry, can you tell?
Anything making you queasy or sick: If I don’t eat often enough I get really sick.  Its pretty awful.  And the only thing that really solves this problem is heavy savory foods.  Sweets just don’t do it for me.
Have you started to show yet? On and off.  In the evenings, I have a much more prominent bump than I do in the mornings.  My pants fit a little better than they did last week, which I presume is due to lack of bloat.
Gender: No idea.  I am thinking boy and so are most of the people around me.  We will see I guess.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Still nauseous on and off, stuffy nose, tired.  Otherwise I feel pretty good now.
Belly button in or out? Still in.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or moody most of the time? Happy.  I am going to attribute this to Arlie and the holidays.
Looking forward to: Another appointment in a two weeks.  It seems like forever away, but I know it will go quickly.