9/10 Weeks

I wrote an entire 9 week update but wordpress went crazy and it is gone forever.  Anyway, I am now going to combine 9 and 10 to make it easier for me.  Soooo, I went back for another appointment, my “intake” appointment.  I saw the midwife that delivered Arlie.  She is very sweet and kind.  She actually spent a lot of time just talking to me about the pregnancy and Arlie and a few other things.  It was much more positive than I expected (again) and it ended up with me getting another ultrasound.  I saw the heartbeat again and the little bean was bouncing all over the place.  It was nice and reassuring.  I had gone into the appointment thinking that I was going to keep an existing appointment with another OB office for an intake appointment but after the positive experience I had with the original OB office, I made the decision to stay.  I originally was unsure about staying with my current OB office because of one of the midwives. However, now that I know I can control all of the appointment scheduling, I feel better about staying there.  I have four or five providers there that I feel comfortable with so I will stick with them and call it good.  The best part about my appointment was that I was still measuring ahead and my midwife told me that I should start counting myself as 5 days ahead.  However, she was going to keep my original due date in the chart so if I happen to go past 40 weeks, they wouldn’t induce right away.  Basically she bought me an extra 5-6 days as a cushion.  Pretty sweet!

Honestly, I have been trying really hard to not stress out about this pregnancy and so far, with a few exceptions of crazy days, I am doing pretty well.  I did stress out this weekend because my constant nausea had disappeared but I am almost 11 weeks and it is normal for things to start to calm down.  And just to eff with me, the nausea was back with a vengeance last night and this morning, so I think everything is good.

On other pregnancy related news… I am fairly certain I have been feeling little bubs move.  The feeling has only been the last two days but it is in the same place and it is very familiar to me.  I read that you start to feel baby move earlier in subsequent pregnancies, so this seems real to me.  Its kind of fun experiencing these things again.

How far along? 10 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain: 2 lbs.  This is with the five or so that I lost in the last couple of weeks, so overall I am still down about three lbs.  Hopefully with the nausea letting up I can start to reverse the losing and start gaining (slowly…).
Maternity clothes? Not yet, but I think I am headed in that direction.  My pants are fine if I am upright, but the second I sit down, it is all down hill from there.  I am right now sitting with my top button un-buttoned and the zipper down a bit.
Stretch Marks? I can’t see any new ones.  Some of the ones from Arlie are still here, so we shall see how that goes.
Sleep: Terrible.  This is probably attributed to having a 10 month old bed-mate and being nauseous in the middle of the night frequently.  Plus there is the added bonus of insomnia for NO REASON.
Best moment this week: Seeing bubs again.  Plus it is Thanksgiving this week, which means a short week!
Miss Anything? Not really.  I’m pretty content with what I have right now, so no need to miss anything.
Movement: Fairly certain that bubs is making his/her presence known.  I’m excited about feeling it all again.
Food cravings: I’m ashamed to say that all I really want is fast food hamburgers.  Burger King, Wendy’s. etc.  Greasy heavy foods are the only things that really suit my fancy and keep the nausea away.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Sadly my best friend cheese is making me kinda queasy.  And milk.  And a variety of other things.
Have you started to show yet? Yes.  But I can still hide it if I want to.
Gender: No idea.  In total honesty I am kind of hoping for another girl.
Labor Signs: Nope
Symptoms: Still some on and off nausea.  Tired sometimes.  Awful stuffy nose.  Otherwise, I feel ok most of the time.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy.  I really don’t have anything to complain about.
Looking forward to: Seeing my sister and nephew this week.  And my 13 week appointment.  And Christmas!!!!

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8 Weeks

November 13th, 2014

We finally went to the doctor.  I went in not expecting to have a positive interaction and it turned out to be really nice and very positive.  I was NERVOUS.  I couldn’t eat all day so that combined with the never ending nausea had basically rendered me useless by the time M got home to take me to the appointment.  I felt awful and I was scared and nervous so by the time the NP actually got to my room, I was ready to pass out.  She was incredibly nice and asked if I was ok with a new midwife coming in to watch the ultrasound to learn how to perform a tranvaginal one.  I was fine with that and the new midwife seemed really sweet and nice.  She was actually due to give birth to her own child on Friday so that was interesting.  Anyway, the ultrasound went great.  We saw the little bean on the screen.  It had a great heartbeat of 176 and was measuring 5 days ahead.  Yay!  The NP said they would probably stick with the original due date for now, but that I could start using the other date.  That jumped me from 7 weeks 5 days to 8 weeks 3 days.  I am thrilled about this for some reason.  I know its not much of a difference, but 5 days is kind of huge in the first trimester.

That night I called my dad to let him know that we were pregnant again.  He was nice and said he was excited, but as you all know, his words don’t mean a lot to me these days.  But he was at at least nice, so there’s that.  M told his mom yesterday morning when she came to watch Arlie for the day.  She was super excited, which is nice.  And last night, M told his dad and step mom.  They were also excited.  I guess I am always expecting the worst when it comes to family so it is always a nice surprise when people are happy for us.  I probably won’t tell my other siblings, or the rest of M’s family until Thanksgiving, which is only two weeks away.  I’m considering getting Arlie a big sister onesie and seeing how it goes.

How far along?  8 weeks 6 days!
Total weight gain: I had actually lost 3 lbs since the appointment I had two weeks ago.  I just feel so awful all the time and food is not my friend.
Maternity clothes? No, but my jeans are getting tight when I sit down and you can see a little bump emerging.  Yesterday one of the girls who knows I am pregnant told me that I look a little pregnant.  Its true, I do.
Stretch marks? None.
Sleep: Awful.  I am constantly exhausted and that is a combo of not sleeping well at night and from feeling sick all the time.  Plus, our miniature bed mate is not really all that into sleeping right now.
Best moment this week: Seeing/hearing heartbeat of this new little babe.
Miss Anything? I miss not feeling bloated and car sick.
Movement: None.  I’m hopeful that I will start feeling it close to the end of the first trimester.
Food cravings: I want carbs so badly.  And Burger King.  And pasta.  And anything that will fill my stomach quickly and make me feel full.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Depends.  Cheese is actually not very appealing to me right now, which is surprising.  Also, cooked veggies.  And milk.
Have you started to show yet? Yes, see above.
Gender: No idea.  Not gonna lie, I am kind of hoping for another girl.  Arlie is just so much fun that I want another one like her.
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Queasy most of the time, exhaustion, running nose, gas, bloat.  Plus, the pooch…
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Mostly happy.  I am tired and I think that contributes to my moodiness, but if I really think about it, I am pretty happy.
Looking forward to: Next week I have two more appointments.  I am basically going to compare the two offices and decide which one I want to go to.  It should be interesting.

7 Weeks

November 6th, 2014

Last week was rough at best.  I am sick.  Really sick.  My IBS was out of control and I spent 72 hours having the worst bout I have ever had.  I ended up having to go to two doctors to try to figure something out.  In doing so, my primary care provider asked that I contact my OB to get in to see them as she was concerned about the baby.  I had to schedule an appointment with the old OB practice that I am not real happy with.  The scheduler was rude at first, but she was much nicer on my second conversation with her.  I spoke with a nurse who went over the list of possible medications I could take and it turns out that none are both safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding so I am basically effed.  At the suggestion of my primary care provider, I started taking massive doses of probiotics, which is actually helping.

The scary part is that when I was pregnant the first time, I was incredibly sick.  I felt awful most of the time, but I think this was a two fold problem.  I was incredibly anxious and I was incredibly sick.  These two things played off of each other and made me a miserable person.  When we discovered that the baby had died, I was convinced that my sickness caused some of it.  My OB did nothing to calm my fears and instead told me that it was possible that my body was trying to rid me of the pregnancy because it knew it wasn’t viable.  Because of her saying this, I am worried that my sickness is trying to tell me something again. I wish that she had never said that to me.

Anywho, I now have an early scan booked (even though it is technically not early as I will be nearly 8 weeks) on Monday.  I will have to go alone as Matt has to work.  My approach is both terror and total calm.  I keep thinking to myself…  Even if something is bad, I still have Arlie and she is such an incredible miracle.  I can survive another miscarriage, even if I would rather not experience that ever again.  Honestly, I am hoping so much that I go on Monday and everything is fine and I don’t have to worry for a bit.  I feel like I have been doing pretty well with the stress/worry and I am catching myself before it gets really out of hand.  I’m still doing crazy things like checking the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom, but I am not researching for hours upon end if I have strange symptom.  I’m in a weird place right now.  I have an additional appointment booked the next week as well for intake.

How far along?  7 weeks 1 day
Total weight gain: No idea.  At this point with how sick I have been feeling, I am probably down some lbs.
Maternity clothes? Nope.  I am still in my post pregnancy jeans and tops.  They are fitting pretty well for now.  I would guess that in the next three weeks or so I will need to switch over the maternity jeans.
Stretch marks? Nope.  I am hoping to avoid these this time.
Sleep: Meh.  Some nights really good, some night really bad. I can attribute some of this to sharing the bed with Arlie.  She is a kicker, flopper, random crier, etc.  Not a great bed mate.
Best moment this week: Not sure.  Having a brief break from my epic morning sickness.
Miss Anything? Not really.
Movement: Nope
Food cravings: I have been eating so many bagels and cream cheese.  I think this is partially because they are easy, but they also don’t make me feel sick and I don’t immediately regret eating them afterwards.  I also want odwalla protein drinks right now.  I like the thickness of the drink.  Plus, the flavor is pretty good.  They are expensive though!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Lots of things are making me queasy.  Honestly food is not really my friend right now.  I am a gatorade lover and I can’t handle it right now.  I want to puke thinking about it.
Have you started to show yet? I can see something happening, but no one else probably can.  M notices a little too.
Gender: No idea.
Labor Signs: None
Symptoms: Sick.  Nauseous, gagging.  I am very tired.  Physically I feel drained most of the time.  I am also super gassy and bloated.
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Back and forth.  I am trying to remain positive as much as possible.  I just want to enjoy pregnancy for once.  I will feel a lot better after Monday if the news is good.  I am so hoping that it will be.
Looking forward to:  Monday and my scan.  Hoping to see a little heartbeat on Monday and a healthy bean.

6 Weeks

October 29th, 2014

How far along? 6 weeks today
Total weight gain:  No idea.  Last week I had lost almost 5 pounds.  I would guess that I have probably lost a few more pounds.  I feel like crap.
Maternity clothes? Nope.  I am still in my regular jeans and shirts.  My jeans are getting slightly snug when I sit, but other wise still ok.
Stretch marks? No.  I am really hoping to avoid this this time around.
Sleep: On and off good and bad.  Last night was terrible.
Best moment this week: Getting calm about my inability to control this.  That gave me a lot of relief.
Miss Anything? Not really.  I’m not really drinking coffee, so maybe that.  But I only ever drank decaf, so there’s not really much of a change anyway.
Movement: Nope
Food cravings: Protein.  And milk.  I love milk.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Almost everything.  Sweet stuff is a no-no during the day.  I just feel awful most of the time.
Have you started to show yet? Not really.  I can see something happening, but no one else would notice.
Gender: No idea.
Labor Signs: Nope
Symptoms: Queasy all the time.  Bad IBS all the time.  Tired.  Dizzy.  Sorest nipples of all time.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: I don’t know.  Probably moody.  I am getting annoyed with people, but this is kind of normal for me.  I think the exhaustion adds to my moods…
Looking forward to: Appointment tomorrow for Arlie.  Then only three more weeks until my appointment.  I hate waiting.

5 Weeks

October 23rd, 2014

How far along? 5 weeks 1 day
Total weight gain: 0.  I’ve actually lost a couple of pounds because I am so sick.
Maternity clothes? Nope.  I’m gonna try to avoid them until 10 weeks.  This may be wishful thinking.
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: Sometimes good sometimes bad.  But I am sharing my bed with a 9 month old, so its all relative.
Best moment this week: Not sure there is a best moment.
Miss Anything?  Not feeling sick.
Movement: Nope
Food cravings: Protein.  Cheese.  Meat.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Most things.  The air.  Water.
Have you started to show yet? Nope.  Bloat is there though.
Gender: No idea
Labor Signs: Nope
Symptoms: Super queasy, sore nipples, my supply is dropping like crazy.
Belly Button in or out? In.  (I am secretly really excited for it to be an outie again.)
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: I am definitely moody.  I am so exhausted and I feel so awful that it is affecting my ability to be nice.
Looking forward to: 12 weeks.  And my first appointment on November 17th.  It feels like forever away.

Well, I’m Pregnant Again/ Be Careful What You Wish For

October 24th, 2014

I’ve decided to post these later on, but I am writing them now…

The same day I found out that Mason was going to die, I also found out I was pregnant again.

I talked to M about testing and told him I was going to wait until after that Friday, which is when we put Mason to sleep.  But for some reason, I couldn’t wait.  My initial thinking was that I would wait so when it was negative, I could just be sad about that separately from the sadness that I was experiencing with Mason.  But when I thought about it more, I also thought that good news would do us good, so I tested.  All I had was one internet cheapie and brand name FRER, so I took the cheapie, thinking that it would be a waste.  I was wrong.

It immediately came up positive.  And a bright blazing positive at that.  I came downstairs and told M to come look at something and showed him the test.  We were both in a state of shock.  Absolute shock.  I was scared and happy and sad and worried.  And to be completely honest, I was also a little regretful.  Not at all because we didn’t want to be pregnant.  But really because I would hate to upset Arlie’s little world.  I know that she will be 1 and a half by the time this baby gets here, but she is my world right now and I never want her to feel left out or second best.

I re-tested the next day on the FRER I had and it was also a blazing positive.  Like the strongest positive I have ever gotten on a pregnancy test.  The positive line was way darker than the control line, which was pretty cool.  I felt a surge of excitement and happiness seeing that second line.  The best part was not having to wait to have a line appear on either test.  In the past I was always waiting anxiously to see if I was pregnant, and both of these tests were crystal clear the second the pee hit the strip.

I’ve called and made an appointment with a the doctor.  My first appointment is not until I am 9 weeks along, which is kind of scary, but I am trying to be positive about it and not worry too much.  I may or may not be failing at the not worrying.  I think it is just part of my pregnancy experience.

The other new thing for this pregnancy is that I am sooooo sick.  I literally feel queasy all the time unless I am constantly shoving food in there.  And that gets uncomfortable too because I am bloated, so the constant eating is not helping.  I am also exhausted and that does not bode well with Arlie here.  She is wearing me out and I am constantly trying to find ways for us to play in the big bed upstairs so I can sleep as soon as she falls asleep.

So for now, I am super excited, pretty nervous and scared.  And I am of course checking the tp every time I go to the bathroom.  Just hoping that this works out ok in the end.  And that we will have our second little miracle here in June.  Cross your fingers for me.

10 Months!

Arlie Mason is 10 months old!  Well, on Saturday she is, but I am going to be way too busy to write this weekend, or even tomorrow probably, so I thought I would get it done now.

I don’t even know where to start.  This girl is crazy.  And awesome.  And so much fun.  She is wild most of the time and has started growling at us when she wants something.  She is also pushing whatever boundaries she can right now.  She definitely has selective hearing and will only respond to you if she wants to.  We have tried a number of different things to get her attention, but she is a strong willed little lady (I wonder where she got that from, whoops!) and really does what she wants.

Food wise, she is eating a ton more solid foods.  She is usually getting whatever we are eating, but I have also started making sure that there are some Arlie staples on hand for dinner time if what we are eating is not really appropriate for her (we are disgusting and last night I made poutine.  the night before that we had chili and tortillas.  what can I say?).  She is loving cream cheese on anything and she really loves any kind of fruit.  I’d say right now her favorite food is mango or vanilla puffs.  Those things are like baby crack.  I’ve started giving her waffles for breakfast and she LOVES those too.  Its so fun watching her eat and get excited about food.

She is crawling like crazy.  She is also pulling up on everything and she has been letting go of stuff and standing on her own.  She gets so proud of herself if she is standing at something.  She will screech and squeal to get everyone’s attention.  She is also doing a lot more fine motor skill activities too.  She loves banging two objects together to make noise.  She waves at everyone.  She like to drop things into cups and then try to get them back out.  She is so smart and fast at picking things up.  Its like a new skill every time we turn around.  My favorite thing right now is when she is playing on her own.  She makes little tsking noises to herself and it is just about the most adorable thing I have ever seen/heard.

One of Arlie’s favorite pastimes now is attacking and body slamming our poor basset hound.  Winger is pretty mild mannered, but she really would prefer that Arlie would stop torturing her.  It is funny to watch Arlie crawl as fast as she can behind Winger to catch up with her.  Poor dog.  But, in Arlie’s defense, Winger was terribly annoying to our other dog when she was a puppy, so it seems like this is the karma for that.

Life is going pretty well right now.  We are getting into the holiday feel and I am excited to share this with Arlie.  We have a few traditions we are eager to start with her.  I am so excited to get a Christmas tree and decorate it with her.  I realized this past weekend that we will have to purchase some sort of cage for the tree this year or else we will have a ruined one, but thats ok.  I just can’t wait for her to see it all lit up.  And the house for that matter.  Seriously Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite holidays and one of the things I was most looking forward to with having a child was sharing holidays with them.  Being Arlie’s mom is just the greatest thing ever!

She’s a Biter My Friends

Arlie went to the doctor last week for her nine month visit.  She is still super long/tall, but her weight had dropped a few percentiles, so I discussed with her pediatrician about supplementing with formula.  I had already entertained the idea as my supply is dropping and it is stressing me out a lot.  I have noticed that since my supply started dropping, Arlie has been biting me a lot more, which is both incredibly painful and really frustrating.  So, for the last week or so she has been getting mixed bottles during the day and I am still nursing her at night and in the morning.  Honestly, this was my plan for weaning anyway when she was a year, except I was planning on using almond milk and cows milk instead of formula.  She seems to like the formula ok and is eating like a champ.  I also got the go ahead to pretty much try whatever kinds of food we want.

I had been a little hesitant before about expanding Arlie’s food choices, but I think this was mostly because I had NO IDEA what to feed her if I wasn’t going to be doing the purees.  But I had an epiphany and realized that I can buy frozen veggies and fruit and give her those.  Plus this girl loves cheese and meat, so those are good options.  We tried bagel with cream cheese this week and she went crazy for it, so that is a plus.  I guess I was intimidated because M and I do not eat particularly healthy and I need to make sure that Arlie is getting well rounded and nutritious meals.  I don’t want to be the reason Arlie ends up unhealthy.

The doctor was impressed with all of Arlie’s skills, so that was reassuring.  I opted to get the first half of Arlie’s flu shot while we were there and she took it like a champ.  I think she was more pissed at me for making her lay down than the actual shot.  Overall it was a good visit and I am really liking the doctor.  She is younger and funny and she listens to me.  She is also really good with Arlie and that is obviously huge for me.  We have to go back in a month for the follow up flu shot and to get a weight check.  I am hoping that we will have packed a little weight on her.