27 Weeks

This week has been exceptionally hard.  My very best friend in the world, K,  lost her baby from a cord accident.  She was 17 weeks along and had to deliver a perfect baby boy.  They named him Grayson and their lives will be altered forever now.  Mine will also be altered but more so from the amount of pain I feel for her and her husband.  I so wanted our kids to be best friends just like us and it is heartbreaking in every way to walk this path with her.  There is a huge part of me that feels guilty because my Arlie is doing so well.  And there is a part of me that is so incredibly sad that the good news of Arlie being healthy right now is not something I feel like I can celebrate with her.  And even more than that, I rely on her so much and I don’t want to put anything else on her shoulders.  I want more than anything for her to be at my birth and to be a part of my support team but i completely understand if she can’t handle this.  I wish I could take away some of the pain, but I am just not able to fix this.

Another reason this has been a trying week is that I accepted a new job.  I am leaving my current position and moving to a position better suited for my life.  It is going to be way less stress and I will no longer be working for people I feel morally opposed to. M recently took a new job too so we are dealing with a number of big changes in our household.

Finally, this was the week last year that we lost our first pregnancy.  It has been a bit of a mind fuck (for lack of a better term) dealing with the crappy memories and the anxiety that comes with it.  And to have it coupled with K’s loss, this has been incredibly worrisome.  I am trying to ignore as much of it as I can, but in this situation, I’m not sure how good I am doing.  Especially when Arlie chose to be kind of quiet yesterday.  This whole pregnancy thing is tough.  It’s amazing and beautiful but it is a difficult time.

Oh, one more thing!  M and I went to a breastfeeding class this week.  It was very informative and also very awkward.  The actual class was not really my style because I am a relatively shy person and M is even more so and the lady leading the class wanted people to participate.  There was an incredibly awkward movie that I was embarrassed to be watching with a group of strangers as well.  Overall though, it was a lot of really good information.  I’ll be interested to see what happens with our little lady.

How far along? 27 weeks 4 days
Total weight gain: I think I am coming up on 20 lbs. I am scared I will reach 200 on a scale by the end of this.
Maternity clothes? All the time.  I can barely fit into any of my other clothes.  I do love me some pj pants.  I may have to start wearing them to work.
Stretch marks? On my thighs and lower legs.  Not a single one on my stomach.
Sleep: On and off good and bad.  I sleep well some of the nights and then the others it is a real struggle.  I’m a little worried about the amount of sleep I am getting because in theory, I would like to store up some sleep.
Best moment this week: Getting my new job.  otherwise the week was stressful and pretty sad.
Miss Anything? Stamina.  And my memory.  Both are completely gone.
Movement:  She goes crazy sometimes and is a little quieter at other times.  I hate the days when she is quiet.  If it were up to me she would move all the time and make me crazy. 🙂
Food cravings: Meat.  I have also never drank this much milk in my entire life.  I am downing a gallon of whole milk every two or three days.  I can’t get enough of it.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Chicken.  And some veggies now too.  I’m having a really hard time with tomatoes.
Have you started to show yet? Heck yes.
Gender: Baby GIRL!
Labor Signs: I haven’t noticed any BH this week.  Probably because I am so busy and crazy with work and life and everything else.
Symptoms: Stuffy nose and nosebleeds.  I’m starting to get a little uncomfortable and I can no longer put shoes on with ease.
Belly Button in or out? Still kind of in and out.  It looks so strange.  I used to have my belly button pierced and the two holes are stretched into the strangest shapes.  
Wedding rings on or off? On, still kind of tight.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Mostly happy, but sad too this week.
Looking forward to:  I have the stupid gestational diabetes test on Monday, followed by a regular appointment.  I’m really not looking forward to the test, but I am looking forward to seeing the doctor and hearing Arlie’s heartbeat.  Always a good thing.


Third Trimester!!

Wheee!  I made it to third trimester!  Only a few shorts weeks to go.  This is absolutely crazy and I am getting more and more excited (and scared) as it gets closer to the due date.  Especially with the uncertainty with the complications.  This basically means that there is a possibility that we will be having a baby between 8-12 weeks from now.  8 weeks is freaking soon!

This week also starts the craziness with classes and/or appointments happening every week.  It is going so fast and dragging all at the same time.  I’m pretty stoked about being to the point where she could be here soooo soon.  I am so ready to meet her and hold her.  🙂

26 Weeks

I am feeling the crazy pressure right now of being three days away from third trimester.  Honestly, I can’t even fathom that I’ve made it this far.  We are finally getting the house in order and getting ready in a more practical way.  My baby shower is scheduled and I am pretty excited about it.  Basically, we are finally to the point where the reality of us having a child in our home is becoming REAL.  I know I’ve been hoping this whole time to get to certain milestones, and right now we are so close to the 28 weeks mark, which is a date I had in my mind to reach.  I think it mostly had to do with the chances of survival being so high after 28 weeks.  Once we reach 28 weeks, 32 will be my next goal.  I like having smaller timeline markers to break up the long weeks a little.  It seems like it makes it easier for me.

I went to the doctor on Monday and got the surprise news that not only is Arlie growing on schedule, but that I will not have to have another ultrasound until the specialist appointment on December 5th.  My doctor also informed me that I am now to the point where they want to see me every other week.  Which means between birthing classes, my extra blood tests and doctors appointments, I will now be in an appointment related to the baby every week.  I am one of those crazy people that likes to have something each week to look forward to and now I am all scheduled out.  Its getting so close.  I am still incredibly impatient, but man I am excited!  And scared!

How far along? 26 weeks 4 days!
Total weight gain: Oh man, this is alarming.  I think I am at 18-20 lbs.  I have never seen this number on a scale before and I am thisclose to weighing more than M.  This is terrifying.
Maternity clothes? Hell yes.  I am starting to have trouble fitting into my t-shirts now, which is kind of sad.  I definitely look pregnant and my clothes are reflecting that.  I actually had a couple of shirts that I have been waiting to wear because they were slightly too big and made me look funny, but now they are accentuating the bump nicely.
Stretch marks? Thighs and on my lower legs.  None on my stomach.
Sleep: I’ve had two nights in a row where I actually slept.  The previous 4 were a huge fail.  I am pretty tired all the time but I just couldn’t sleep.  I tried wearing earplugs and a breathe right strip the last two nights and I slept almost 6 hours both nights.  I feel so much better! 
Best moment this week: Hearing that Arlie is doing really good.  And almost being done with a huge project we’ve been working on for three months. 
Miss Anything? Beer.  I hate saying this because I think it makes me sound ungrateful to be pregnant right now, but man I miss the delicious first sip of a beer.  I just can’t wait until I can taste some.
Movement: After a day and a half of a little less movement, miss Arlie has been making her presence known the last two days.  I could actually feel the outline of her foot jammed up on the top of my uterus this morning.  I love feeling her roll around and getting the kicks that take my breath away a bit.  I have this feeling that she is going to be a funny child. 
Food cravings: Red meat- specifically pot roast.  I also am in love with cereal and milk right now.  I’m scheduled for my diabetes test on the 28th and I have decided to eat my cereal until they tell me not to.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Just chicken.  Everything else is pretty favorable with me.
Have you started to show yet? There is no mistaking that I am pregnant.  The bump is impressive.
Gender: Baby GIRL!
Labor Signs: I’ve decided this needs to be included again.  I am fairly certain I have experienced a few braxton hicks over the last week.  It isn’t painful but very strange.  Just very tight over my lower belly.  The first time I experienced one, I was climbing out of my car and it was really uncomfortable, but was gone after a minute or so.
Symptoms: My nose will never stop.  I am constantly stuffed up and snotty.  It is disgusting.  The boobs are still doing the awesome leaking.  Otherwise, I feel pretty good.
Belly Button in or out? Oh man, I think I jinxed myself last week by saying that I didn’t think my belly button would go fully outie on me.  I think it is safe to say that I am quickly headed in the outie direction.  It is now stretched to the max and very shallow.  The middle is actually popping out and the sides are slowly catching up.  Its kind of freaky to look at.  
Wedding rings on or off? Still on, but getting tighter by the day.  I am semi allergic to metals, so this is becoming a bit of an issue.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy when I am not driving or at work.  People at work are annoying and the driving in this town is atrocious.  And kind of scary too.
Looking forward to: Weekend!  I am leaving early today and I have the whole day tomorrow with M.  And I’m pretty excited for my breastfeeding class on Tuesday night.      

I don’t know what to do with this

Last year during this week I experienced the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I found out that our baby had passed. As I approached the week, I tried to ignore it, but it’s there and it’s not going away. I hate thinking about it and I get scared that thinking about it will jinx how lucky we are now. Arlie is the best thing to combat the sadness and the pain. But the fear lingers and it makes it hard to completely move forward. I don’t want to forget, but I feel like I’ve reached a good point of healing. I can’t forget, but I’m trying to focus on our future and the little girl we are waiting for.

25 Weeks

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in my anxiety and fear.  Sometimes I feel great.  This week was a combo of both and I am officially tired… of everything.  Little miss Arlie likes to mess with my head and my heart by being quiet some days.  I’m actually not sure if she is actually moving less on these days or if I am just too busy to properly pay attention to how much she is moving.  But because of my weird anxiety, I really like to feel her move.  It is such a nice reminder that shes in there and a nice way for me to bond with her.  Honestly, if I could have my way, she would move all day and night and I could just lay there and feel her move.

Other than the freak outs that I have been dealing with, the week has been pretty nice.  I am getting to the point where I am really starting to realize that if everything goes to plan, she is going to be here very soon.  Like 2-3 months soon…  That blows my mind and excited the hell out of me.  I am just so ready for her to be here and for us to meet her.  I think M and I are finally getting into the mindset that Arlie is going to be here and our lives are about to change!

How far along? 25 weeks 4 days (101 days to go!!!!)
Total weight gain: Don’t know because I haven’t been weighed in three weeks.  I’ll see on Monday at my next appointment.
Maternity clothes? Yes.  I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I am going to have to buy new boots this weekend that do not require any tying.  I can barely reach my feet and the bending over to tie my shoes process is now time consuming and a blow to my physical self esteem.  I literally cannot reach my feet to put on socks or shoes.
Stretch marks? On my thighs mostly.  There is one very tiny one on the side of my stomach, but it doesn’t seem to change at all.
Sleep: What the hell is sleep?  I can’t remember because it has been SO long since I was able to get good sleep in.  I just suck at it right now.  I feel like a zombie most of the time.
Best moment this week: Seeing Arlie again on our growth ultrasound.  She is so much bigger and so stinking cute!  I love looking at her face and seeing how big she is compared to the last ultrasound.  The other awesome moment this week was M having his last day at the HORRIBLE job he has been working for the last three years.  He got a new job last week and it is such an improvement.  I’m so happy for him!
Miss Anything? Sleep.  And I miss beer.  And coffee.
Movement: She’s really practicing her kicks and punches.  And rolling. 
Food cravings: Vegetables.  And cereal and milk.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing in particular.  Maybe still chicken.  I haven’t really tested this theory.
Have you started to show yet? Heck yes.  The bump grows all the time.
Gender: Its a GIRL!
Symptoms: Stuffy nose, leaky boobs.  I’m getting a little uncomfortable these days.  Bending is no longer a motion that I can accomplish.
Belly Button in or out? Still in but getting shallow.  And stretched.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy at home, moody while driving or at work.  People are so annoying! 🙂
Looking forward to: Another doctor’s appointment on Monday to review the latest ultrasound.  And I am so looking forward to being done with the last event I have scheduled until Arlie is here.  Just one more big weekend to get through and then it’s smooth sailing from there on out.  I can’t wait to sit back and relax until she gets here.

I’m finally posting a bump picture….  Please ignore my dirty mirror and the sock that my dog decided to bring into my bathroom…


24 Weeks

Again, I am shocked that I’m already this far along.  Sometimes when I think about what is to come, I get a little panicky.  But it also blows my mind when I think back to earlier in the pregnancy and how long ago that seems like.  A friend pointed out to me today that if miss Arlie comes early as the doctors are expecting now, I only have about 90 days left.  I gotta get a move on with her room and getting our house in order!

It is my absolute favorite time of year.  I love pretty much everything about the fall.  The smell and the colors and the cool air.  My older dog goes crazy for the cold air.  Last year, the fall was rough.  We went through so much and it is scary to roll into this time of year again with those awful memories lingering around.  I try to ignore them as best as possible, but they are there and I truly can’t completely ignore them.  But for me, this pregnancy and Arlie being so real now has helped heal some of the wounds from last year.  Every time she moves and wiggles around in there, I can smile and be happy about the future, rather than dwelling on the past.  Arlie makes fall amazing again and I love her for that.

How far along? 24 weeks 4 days
Total weight gain: I have no idea.  Probably somewhere between 12-14 pounds.
Maternity clothes? Yes.  I wish I had more to choose from now.
Stretch marks? All over my thighs.  And two on one of my lower legs.  None anywhere else.
Sleep: Awful.  I fall asleep just fine, but I wake up at 3 am every night.  And I’m up for at least an hour.  I just want to sleep through the night!
Best moment this week: We got so many things in the mail this week.  The stroller/car seat combo and a ton of clothes from people.  I love getting home and seeing the packages on my porch.  M and I put together the stroller when it arrived and it was another “holy crap this is real” moments.
Miss Anything? Sleeping.  And I kind of miss coffee.  I love a nice hot drink in the fall and hot chocolate doesn’t quite do it.
Movement: She is a mover!  I hate the days when she is a little quieter because it is so reassuring to feel her moving around.  She hangs out quite low most of the time, and her kicks and punches are usually about two inches below my belly button.
Food cravings: Meat and cheese.  And heath bars.  And vegetables.  Lovin’ vegetables right now.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Water.  Not much else.  I am still avoiding chicken, but I’ll eat it if it comes to me cooked and I don’t have to see or smell the raw product.
Have you started to show yet? Yes.  There was an explosion of growth this week.
Gender: GIRL!
Symptoms: Stuffy nose.  I’m getting linea nigra slowly, which is pretty weird.  And leaky boobs.  Fun!
Belly Button in or out? It is still in.  My thoughts before that it will eventually pop out are no longer as certain.  I think I may end up with a very shallow, but still an innie.  Who knows!
Wedding rings on or off? On, but snugger than usual.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody.  I’m happy about Arlie and with most things, but man I get annoyed easily.  I sincerely consider telling most people to bugger off, but I still have some small portion of my internal censor intact.
Looking forward to: Growth ultrasound on Monday!  Can’t wait to see our girl again!

Night Owl

Well, apparently I know now when Arlie prefers to be awake and moving around.  The last three nights I have been up at 3 am.  I just can’t sleep.  It is annoying and it makes me exhausted the next day.  But, the upside of it is that miss Arlie is also awake at this time.  She is crazy from about 3 until 5.  Rolling, punching, kicking and just wiggling about.  It makes me a little nervous about what is to come after she is born.  She definitely prefers my right side and hangs out there most of the time.  In fact, that side of my bump is often misshapen because shes wedge herself over there.

And speaking of a bump…  Starting last Thursday, I was getting crazy uncomfortable round ligament pain.  It was so sore and it seemed like every time I moved, it was painful.  Fast forward to yesterday morning….  My bump slowly expanded throughout the day and is now significantly bigger.  When I left home yesterday morning it was still relatively easy to conceal if needed, but as of yesterday afternoon, concealing is out of the question.  The expansion, like the others before it, has been rapid and kind of scary.   Apparently my body holds back as long as it can and then, BOOM, new bump size.