I’ve been sick everyday now for two weeks. I am completely off of my medications and that is making my body unhappy and I am honestly so so tired. But I am so so happy too because all of it is totally worth it. Being pregnant is not exactly what I expected, although I’m not really sure what I was expecting was even fully formed in my mind. I think it probably wouldn’t be so bad if I could take some sort of medication, but at this point, I am just not willing to risk the health of my baby. Plus, I’m pretty sure I can handle some upset stomachs and feeling bloated everyday if the end result is a little tiny baby.
In other awesomeness, I found a midwife this week. I spent about a week researching and getting recommendations from some local people I know that have had homebirths, and they all recommended the same person. M and I went to meet her this week and it was honestly one of the greatest experiences of my life. She was exactly what I was hoping for. M seemed very comfortable and the very best part was that she accepts our insurance, so my fear of it being astronomically expensive was put to rest. In fact, I will probably owe her less once all is said and done than if I chose to have a traditional hospital birth. Her practice also provides clients with 6 postpartum visits, including lactation help and basic how to cope with a small infant. She was so straight forward and calm and I really appreciated that. She has been doing this for 28 years, which is definitely going to make it easier to justify to our parents. Not that I really care, but I am already prepared for the backlash from them.
When I called my traditional doctor to tell them I was pregnant, the receptionist barely even acknowledged my news and then proceeded to tell me I couldn’t get in for a MONTH because they don’t see patients until at least 8 weeks. For me, that seriously stressed me out. I am a first time pregnant person and I have a lot of questions and concerns. When I met with L (the midwife) she immediately talked to me about the fears and set up an appointment to discuss nutrition 3 days later. She wants to see me one more time next week and then we will start on a once a month schedule from there. She also gave me her cell phone number and encouraged me to call her for any reason. It feels like a mom is helping me in all the mom ways I really need right now.
The nutrition meeting should be very helpful to me because I am barely able to eat anything right now. Food in general does not sound good and I really think it has way more to do with my IBS and ulcerative colitis than being pregnant. My body is already out of whack in the digestion area and this is disrupting it even more. I am trying to eat whatever I can to make sure I am giving baby nutrients, but man it is hard. So hard. And beyond my stomach constantly hurting, I am so dang tired. I have a very strange sleep pattern happening, which I read was totally normal, but it is catching up to me quickly and I can feel that I am starting to drag and my brain is very nearly mush. I am forgetting things and I am having a hard time expressing myself verbally. But again, this could not be more worth it. I am so excited to see what happens next and I can’t wait for a month down the road. Here’s to hoping I can find a solution to my stomach in the meantime.